her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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