He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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