Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
