someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
