Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
