Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize