I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
