Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
