Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
