Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
