Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
