I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
