I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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