no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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