so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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