The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
