He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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