You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
