When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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