i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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