I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
