This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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