I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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