every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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