How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
