i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
