September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
