So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
