Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
