A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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