I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
