i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
