Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
