My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
