i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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