I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
the raccoons are back...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
