U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
