I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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