I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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