You can't motorboat a personality
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
