So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
