Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
