do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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