just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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