just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
now i know why i became what i already was.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
