I heard we made out
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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