My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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