I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
