i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
