omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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