Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
