Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drake has all the answers
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
