Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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