He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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