I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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