And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
