hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
