sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
