it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
