how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
