So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
