She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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