In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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