I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
